Monday, 31 March 2014

Confessions of a mother

Here I am again. My monologue might be a bit scattered, so I apologize in advance.

First of all, I hate Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays... Like so many people, I often find myself stuck in the "train-train quotidien". This routine takes it's toll on you as a parent. As a mother, I'm very fortunate to be able to work from home, this way I can take care of my daughter. I decided to have a Dayhome after the office job was depressing me. I had just gotten out of maternity leave, my daughter was only a few months old and after a few months at work, I couldn't handle being away from her. My days looked like this: I woke up at the crack of dawn, around 6:00am, got myself ready, had a cup of tea and got my daughter ready. By 7 am I was out of the house. I dropped her off at daycare and went off to work and wouldn't see her until 6:30-7pm. Now, keep in mind that I had never spent that much time away from her.
 By the time we got home, it was dinner, bath and bed. This went on for a few months and I started feeling guilty for not spending more time with her. That's when I decided to go a different way.

Motherhood is not easy, it is not all roses all the time. It's funny how you always see the perfect family on TV but trust me, that is just an illusion. I'm happy to be a parent, I get so happy watching her grow into a little person with her own mind but I will say this and again: never have a child if you're not psychologically ready. Being a parent means forgetting about any selfish thoughts. Your child will always come before anything, so unless you're ready to embrace this fact, I'm sorry to say, you are not ready for motherhood.

Of course, you won't know what to do with a child right away. I'll be the first to admit, the first three days after giving birth felt like I had this little human that now depended on me but I didn't know her. It was a new person and I couldn't grasp what that meant. However, On the third day, I looked at her and I was overwhelmed with joy and love. This happened when I was finally alone with her for the first time. I gave her a bath, she completely depended on me and I completely accepted that. My life as I knew it completely changed and I knew I would never change it even if I had a choice. She was my everything. A child deserves all the love and guidance and patience you can get. Of course, the terrible two's hit and it's another ball game. You cannot expect to have a perfect child (according to society). You cannot expect to bring a child to a restaurant, especially a 2 year old and expect to stay there for a couple hours without incident or them getting bored or expect them to just sit like adults. You will wake up when you don't want to, day after day. You will be tested to your breaking point and then your lovely child will do something, so little that will wipe away all those frustrations in a minute. Your child is the only person who can do this.

She's got so much energy, she constantly needs me and she'll pour baby powder all over the house (have you ever tried to clean baby powder off black leather???) but at the end of the day, this little person changed my life in the best possible way. I love her to death.

This post is dedicated to Lloyd who is beyond amazing as a father. He surprises me everyday and I'm so proud of the person he is.

Im now going to abruptly stop here, I never really know how to end a writing session... Probably because I still have lots to say.

Good night world,

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